Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Thoughts from the Toilet

Well. It's been a while, hasn't it?

A couple of years ago I decided that I was going to start posting regularly on my blog because I had been neglecting it. I wrote two consecutive posts and promptly lost interest.

As it is with every project that I start.

Today, however, whilst I was taking a poo, I had some interesting thoughts and decided that I would share them on the internet, because evidently that is what people my age do now. Thus, I bring you, "Thoughts from Hayley's Toilet."
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Why is the unicorn called a unicorn? Shouldn't it be called a unihorn? It has one horn, not one corn. I feel like the name "unicorn" is a misnomer. I don't appreciate being misled.

What do all of the function keys on a keyboard even do? Does anyone even use them? Is there one that initiates self-destruct?

Why is there a number pad on the side of the keyboard but also a row of number keys on the top? They accomplish the exact same task, just with a different setup. How do you decide which to use? Has anyone ever had a crisis trying to determine which set of number keys to use? Am I having a crisis right now? You bet!

Why do website registrations always ask you to type in the crazy distorted text in order to "prove you are a real person?" Does it think I'm a robot? Can you get a robot that goes through all of your registration procedures for you? If so, why would they be incapable of typing in the security text after they JUST typed in all of your personal information? Also, where can I find aforementioned robot?

What's the point?

Chihuahuas are strange-looking creatures.

Why does the semicolon even exist? You could just put a period and move on to a new sentence like every normal person ever. How would you imply a semicolon in verbal conversation? Would you just say both sentences as though they were one? "Yesterday I went to the park I had a picnic," or "I like fast food I'm putting on weight," or "I enjoy potato chips They are crunchy." That would just sound awkward. I have deemed semicolons to be unnecessary.

I am always hungry.

Never has it occurred to me to use the word "kumquat" in everyday conversation.

Chemistry is stupid. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have an occupation that requires me to soak a pebble in a can of Pepsi.

Perhaps I should run away to Jamaica and play steel drums next to a guy with dreadlocks. I feel like that would be pretty cool. Better than school, at least.
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This has been "Thoughts from Hayley's Toilet." I'm very sorry that my first blog post in two years was something as pointless as this was. I promise I have better thoughts in the shower. Unfortunately, I can't take my computer in there, so you're sort of out of luck on that one.

All jokes aside, happy new year! Hope everyone's healthy and happy so far. I would say that I will be posting regularly from now on, but I have learned not to make promises I can't keep. That's why I don't make New Year's resolutions.

In case I do end up running away to Jamaica and you never hear from me again, I hope you have a lovely life.

Inspiring quote of the day: "Just keep swimming." ~Dory from Finding Nemo (Ellen Degeneres)