Sunday, July 27, 2014

This Means War

All right, you know how kids tend to get into useless immature arguments with other kids? Well, that happened to us. And I think it's still happening. I could be wrong, but I know there's some sort of unspoken tension between us.

 Okay, you're probably thinking another sibling fight, right? Well...not exactly. Not this time. This is between the three of us and the rotten little neighbor boy down the hill.

It all started exactly two weeks ago, when my sister dragged me out of the house and into a row of trees she called her "hideout." Here's the conversation that followed me asking why we were in the trees.

"Cakes, what are we doing?"
"We're sitting in my new spy hideout."
"There's something biting my butt..."
"Shh! We're spying on my nemesis and if you aren't quiet he'll know that we're here!"
"Okay, but...wait, since when do you have a nemesis?"
"Since now! Now shh, there he is."

 Don't ask.

So eventually, after about fifteen boring minutes of watching a nine-year-old boy repetitively shooting baskets (and repetitively missing the hoop), my brother found us. That's right. Sir DJ talks-a-lot. And the first thing that came out of his mouth when he sat down is, "Hey guys! Whatcha up to? Who's that guy playing with the ball?!" And then we were discovered. And not in the way that gets you on television.

When our nemesis asked what we were up to, DJ went and blurted out, "Oh, we were just spying on you." Just like that. Cakes of course ran screaming from the trees and I just took out my phone and pretended that I had been texting my friends the whole time.

So a couple of days ago, we decided it was time to get revenge on DJ for giving us away. We sent him to the row of trees (the only barrier between our property and theirs), and he was to sit in between two trees and suspiciously stare at the neighbors until they got mad and chewed him out. We thought this would be harmless, but we had no idea that this time, our nemesis had his six cousins over. So picture this: little four-year-old DJ, against seven boys ranging in age from five to ten years old. He's practically defenseless!

Of course the boys all ganged up on him, and DJ ran into the shed to grab a jump rope.

Now you're probably wondering what good a jump rope will do little DJ in this type of situation. Well, remember his dinosaur obsession? Lately he has established that he can turn into a dinosaur at a moment's notice. He does this by going into a nearby structure or behind a tree, and you'll hear some grunting and the occasional roar, and when he comes out, he bears his teeth and shows off his new dino-like features. He says that he is a Tyrannosaurus Rex (you can't say T-Rex or he gets mad and corrects you), and he has only two fingers out on each hand and they are slightly curled like claws. Then as he runs away on his tiptoes like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, you may notice a jump rope hanging out of his pants. This is his dinosaur tail.

So he goes behind a pine tree for about five minutes so he can get everything situated. I mentioned that as he does this he likes to make dinosaur noises. He frightened and/or emotionally scarred a few nesting pigeons with his spastic noises. When he came out he headed straight for the neighbors and roared right in their faces. They looked stunned for all of twenty seconds and then they laughed. Yup. Just like that, laughed in DJ's face. They mocked his tail, his "claws," and his "dinosaur teeth." There is nothing more insulting to a dino boy.

 We've been plotting revenge for the past couple days. The fight continues.



  1. Wow--tough call on how to handle the neighbors! Maybe even tougher on how to handle DJ's humiliation and embarrassment! But--I love your writing and you definitely should consider it for a future!

  2. I love your writing .. You're a natural storyteller .. like mother like daughter �� �� �� ��