Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Thoughts from the Toilet

Well. It's been a while, hasn't it?

A couple of years ago I decided that I was going to start posting regularly on my blog because I had been neglecting it. I wrote two consecutive posts and promptly lost interest.

As it is with every project that I start.

Today, however, whilst I was taking a poo, I had some interesting thoughts and decided that I would share them on the internet, because evidently that is what people my age do now. Thus, I bring you, "Thoughts from Hayley's Toilet."

Why is the unicorn called a unicorn? Shouldn't it be called a unihorn? It has one horn, not one corn. I feel like the name "unicorn" is a misnomer. I don't appreciate being misled.

What do all of the function keys on a keyboard even do? Does anyone even use them? Is there one that initiates self-destruct?

Why is there a number pad on the side of the keyboard but also a row of number keys on the top? They accomplish the exact same task, just with a different setup. How do you decide which to use? Has anyone ever had a crisis trying to determine which set of number keys to use? Am I having a crisis right now? You bet!

Why do website registrations always ask you to type in the crazy distorted text in order to "prove you are a real person?" Does it think I'm a robot? Can you get a robot that goes through all of your registration procedures for you? If so, why would they be incapable of typing in the security text after they JUST typed in all of your personal information? Also, where can I find aforementioned robot?

What's the point?

Chihuahuas are strange-looking creatures.

Why does the semicolon even exist? You could just put a period and move on to a new sentence like every normal person ever. How would you imply a semicolon in verbal conversation? Would you just say both sentences as though they were one? "Yesterday I went to the park I had a picnic," or "I like fast food I'm putting on weight," or "I enjoy potato chips They are crunchy." That would just sound awkward. I have deemed semicolons to be unnecessary.

I am always hungry.

Never has it occurred to me to use the word "kumquat" in everyday conversation.

Chemistry is stupid. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have an occupation that requires me to soak a pebble in a can of Pepsi.

Perhaps I should run away to Jamaica and play steel drums next to a guy with dreadlocks. I feel like that would be pretty cool. Better than school, at least.
This has been "Thoughts from Hayley's Toilet." I'm very sorry that my first blog post in two years was something as pointless as this was. I promise I have better thoughts in the shower. Unfortunately, I can't take my computer in there, so you're sort of out of luck on that one.

All jokes aside, happy new year! Hope everyone's healthy and happy so far. I would say that I will be posting regularly from now on, but I have learned not to make promises I can't keep. That's why I don't make New Year's resolutions.

In case I do end up running away to Jamaica and you never hear from me again, I hope you have a lovely life.

Inspiring quote of the day: "Just keep swimming." ~Dory from Finding Nemo (Ellen Degeneres) 


Sunday, July 27, 2014

This Means War

All right, you know how kids tend to get into useless immature arguments with other kids? Well, that happened to us. And I think it's still happening. I could be wrong, but I know there's some sort of unspoken tension between us.

 Okay, you're probably thinking another sibling fight, right? Well...not exactly. Not this time. This is between the three of us and the rotten little neighbor boy down the hill.

It all started exactly two weeks ago, when my sister dragged me out of the house and into a row of trees she called her "hideout." Here's the conversation that followed me asking why we were in the trees.

"Cakes, what are we doing?"
"We're sitting in my new spy hideout."
"There's something biting my butt..."
"Shh! We're spying on my nemesis and if you aren't quiet he'll know that we're here!"
"Okay, but...wait, since when do you have a nemesis?"
"Since now! Now shh, there he is."

 Don't ask.

So eventually, after about fifteen boring minutes of watching a nine-year-old boy repetitively shooting baskets (and repetitively missing the hoop), my brother found us. That's right. Sir DJ talks-a-lot. And the first thing that came out of his mouth when he sat down is, "Hey guys! Whatcha up to? Who's that guy playing with the ball?!" And then we were discovered. And not in the way that gets you on television.

When our nemesis asked what we were up to, DJ went and blurted out, "Oh, we were just spying on you." Just like that. Cakes of course ran screaming from the trees and I just took out my phone and pretended that I had been texting my friends the whole time.

So a couple of days ago, we decided it was time to get revenge on DJ for giving us away. We sent him to the row of trees (the only barrier between our property and theirs), and he was to sit in between two trees and suspiciously stare at the neighbors until they got mad and chewed him out. We thought this would be harmless, but we had no idea that this time, our nemesis had his six cousins over. So picture this: little four-year-old DJ, against seven boys ranging in age from five to ten years old. He's practically defenseless!

Of course the boys all ganged up on him, and DJ ran into the shed to grab a jump rope.

Now you're probably wondering what good a jump rope will do little DJ in this type of situation. Well, remember his dinosaur obsession? Lately he has established that he can turn into a dinosaur at a moment's notice. He does this by going into a nearby structure or behind a tree, and you'll hear some grunting and the occasional roar, and when he comes out, he bears his teeth and shows off his new dino-like features. He says that he is a Tyrannosaurus Rex (you can't say T-Rex or he gets mad and corrects you), and he has only two fingers out on each hand and they are slightly curled like claws. Then as he runs away on his tiptoes like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, you may notice a jump rope hanging out of his pants. This is his dinosaur tail.

So he goes behind a pine tree for about five minutes so he can get everything situated. I mentioned that as he does this he likes to make dinosaur noises. He frightened and/or emotionally scarred a few nesting pigeons with his spastic noises. When he came out he headed straight for the neighbors and roared right in their faces. They looked stunned for all of twenty seconds and then they laughed. Yup. Just like that, laughed in DJ's face. They mocked his tail, his "claws," and his "dinosaur teeth." There is nothing more insulting to a dino boy.

 We've been plotting revenge for the past couple days. The fight continues.


Thursday, July 24, 2014

I'm Back...Finally...

I realize that I haven't posted in almost two years now. You may have heard that my sister has a blog now, right? Well, seeing her blog made me remember mine...and the fact that I can't even find it on Google anymore because I haven't posted in so now I'm here and I'm going to try to post more regularly now, although I will probably fall behind again.

Now that I'm here again, I guess we should get reacquainted. I'm Bee, and I'm eleven years old now! Well, technically eleven and three quarters, I only have three months to go until I'm twelve. I need to update my little "About Me" sidebar thingy because I haven't changed it in about three and a half years. Dance and music are still my two favorite interests, and I finally got a cell phone about a year ago! I got a new one a few months ago because my mom wanted to sign it up with a cell service called Kajeet so that she could control who and when I text. Apparently I used to text kind of obsessively...and constantly...and I had contacts like The Perfect Blend chocolate she thought this would be a better idea.

Tonight we went for a bike ride around town. That didn't go so great. Mom was a nervous wreck because there was a highway and lots of roads to cross, and five of us that had to make it across safely. DJ got tired quickly. And then he had to pee. We were preparing to cross the highway to get back home, and he finally told us that he couldn't make it home without having an accident. So he went behind a telephone pole, in plain view of any customers at the grocery store directly behind the pole. And let me tell you, DJ is quite the distance pee-er. There happened to be one of our friends from church driving by at that moment. We are dreading Sunday morning now.

 Cakesie's latest obsession is the new Disney movie Frozen. She has a closet full of Frozen toys, draws detailed pictures of all the characters in the movie, and talks about it NON-STOP. Also, I don't know if you heard this from Mom, but her latest tick is clicking her tongue. She does it constantly. Add that to the tuneless humming and the yelling and screaming, and she can be almost unbearable. But she's fun, and I don't know what I would do without her.

 DJ is in the midst of his dinosaur obsession. Actually, he has been for a while. He's just so fascinated by anything prehistoric, and he identifies himself as a paleontologist. He can recite every name of every dinosaur that ever lived, from Homocephale to Streutheomimus (I probably didn't spell those right). He gets so very excited when he sees something that has to do with dinosaurs. For instance, if we are walking through an aisle in the grocery store and he spots a package of Tyrannosaurus Rex paper plates for a birthday party or something, he will shout, loud enough for everyone on the other side of the store to hear him, "MOMMY! LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK I FOUND DINOSAUR PLATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Our family definitely hasn't gotten any more perfect over the last couple of years, but that's what keeps the blogs going. If we were absolutely perfect, how boring would we be? Our adventures are definitely something to write about, and I hope you enjoy reading. Thanks for following my blog throughout the years and watching my writing progress as I get older. I hope you will keep reading, and I appreciate your patience as I fall behind on my posting


Sunday, December 23, 2012

I Can't Wait (again!)

Today is the 23rd. The day when everybody plays outside, drinks hot cocoa, and tries to imagine themselves waking up super early on the day everyone is actually excited to wake up early (Hint, hint: "Everyone" is a general statement). I can't wait for that day. As I said in my last post, my Christmas experience has been great so far. Today was kind of fun, also. I mean, it wasn't any different than any other day of the year, except that there was snow on the ground. The schedule went like this:

 8-10 A.M. Wake up and watch CBS Sunday Morning. Take a shower, get dressed and come out for breakfast. Mom tells me that I can't wear sweatpants to church and makes me change. I hop around on one leg, trying to put on a pair of blue jeans while holding my shoes in one hand and the waist of my pants in the other. My dad yells at me to finish up and get out to the car. I run out the door with only one arm in my coat. My hair is still wet, and it's seven degrees outside. I hope I don't catch a cold.

10:15-45 A.M. Pull into the parking lot of Wal-Mart with my hair sticking to the back of my neck because it's still wet. When I get into the store, I'm shivering like crazy. To make it worse, my mom has a bunch of stuff for us to get, and I'm assigned to go to the frozen aisle to get Coffee Mate. I drag my sister along with me, shivering the whole way there. I get it and meet my dad back at the pharmacy. We leave. I'm STILL shivering.  

11:00 A.M. Pull into church parking lot and run out of the car towards the doors of the church.

1:00 P.M. Get home from church. Eat lunch and go outside to play.

 And that was the rest of my day. December 23rd is not exactly my favorite day in the world. All it is is a day where you think about Christmas and all the wonderful things you might get on Christmas day. But when you think about Christmas that way, a lot of times you fail to see the true meaning of Christmas. When you think back to previous years, do you remember a few times when you might have gotten caught up in Christmas door busters and special sales? For some people, the sales at those hot stores that everyone shops at are Christmas. That's what they call the true meaning of Christmas. On CBS Sunday Morning, they had a segment about a wealthy man who went around New York and New Jersey giving out $100 bills to people who were hit by Hurricane Sandy. For them, that was a Christmas miracle. Now think about that. Now do you see the true meaning of Christmas? Me, too.

 Think about this when you hit those sales at J.C. Penney and Sears. Is this really how you should be spending your Christmas? Now think about your family. Are you with them on Christmas if you're shopping till you drop? Reconsider your plans for Christmas. Is spending time with your family on the schedule? If it is, but you're still itching to go to those AWESOME sales, think about Jesus Christ, and what he did. He died on the cross for all of us. YOU could be the next miracle-worker!*

Friday, December 21, 2012

Merry Christmas!

I am back! I haven't posted for almost a year now! I am ten years old now, and I am in 5th grade. I feel ancient! My interests have also changed a lot since then, so if you want the latest update, you can check out my "All About Me" post on the side next to this post. Anyway, Merry Christmas! Last year, our weather was totally unusual for our state. This year, it's back to our old weather: Snowy and freezing! Yesterday they cancelled school because the roads were covered with ice about an inch thick, it was snowing in one place and then blowing it into another all day, and with the windchill, it was below zero! There were two sides to this. On the bright side, we got to stay home from school today, and I get a $10 Casey's gift card (at our school, we had a contest to see who could guess the date of our first snow day, and I just happened to guess Dec. 20th, which was yesterday. Casey's, here I come!) On the bad side, it was so cold and it was blowing snow all day, so we couldn't go outside and do anything fun.:(

This Christmas has been kinda fun, even though we haven't even had it yet. I get off for winter break in a couple of days, though I guess since we don't have school today, yesterday was the beginning of winter break. We won't be back at school until Jan. 8th. Yesterday we began to make Christmas cookies, since we figured if we were going to be cooped up in the house all day, we might as well start them today as a nice past time. We baked them, frosted them, and put sprinkles on them all in one day. It took a lot of work, but we managed to do it. While we were working, me and mom became mildly stressed out by the little kids. They kept opening doors so they could stick their hands in the snow to see how deep it had gotten over the last five seconds. They also stole some of our cooking supplies. They drove us nuts, and eventually we needed caffeine. Dad helpfully volunteered to go out and get it for us. We weren't so sure about this, but he was, so we told him to be careful and hoped he would drive safely and not get killed. He came back after what seemed like an hour, shivering. He announced loud enough for everyone to hear, "Those roads are the most dangerous I've seen for quite some years."

Moving on, I just now finished my best friend's Christmas present. Our 1st anniversary of being best friends is on Dec. 23rd, and since we won't see each other that day, (we did last year because it was a Friday) I will have to give her her Christmas present after we get back from Christmas break. I can't wait for Christmas! I just love baking the cookies, setting them out on the table with carrots for the reindeer, and going to bed knowing I have something special to wake up to in the morning. I especially enjoy the part about going to bed (Christmas Eve is one of the only nights in the year when I am happy to go to bed). Last weekend we went to my aunt and uncle's house for our family Christmas. Our entire family on my dad's side was there, and my aunts and uncles always know exactly what I like (my mom says this starts with them asking her what to get me, and ends with me being happy) My dad's brother and his wife got me a Build-a-Bear Workshop gift card (P.S. I LOVE Build-a-Bear Workshop!) and the movie "Brave." My dad's sister and her husband got me a teddy bear made from one of my grandpa's old shirts (see my mom's post).

It is one of my very favorite stuffed animals, next to my Pinky (I still have her after all this time). The rest of my presents were great too, and I am very happy with them, but those ones were my favorites.

Today we played outside because it wasn't as cold and snowy as it was yesterday. The first thing we did was sled down the hill repeatedly, which we didn't have to travel very far for because we live on a hill long enough to go sledding on. I went first. There were several angles we could use, but none of them were dangerous (which we were fine with, because we kind of didn't want to die right before Christmas). Some of the angles went so fast we THOUGHT we were going to die as we went down them, though, so we marked a few of them as DEADLY. One angle of the hill was completely covered in ice, so we marked that one as deadly. It was so slippery that we could go down on our bellies WITHOUT a sled and still go at about the same pace as the sled if we were using it to go down a hill of a reasonable size (note from Mom: And they broke the zippers on their coats!) We pretended we were wildlife rescuers in the arctic and we were attempting to save an endangered species of arctic penguins, and this required us to slide down the hill on our bellies like penguins so we could follow them. Then we tried the sled and we totally felt like we were going to die. It was sooooooo much fun. I had fun posting again, and I will try to post whenever I get the chance. Send me an e-mail or leave me a comment! Bye! :)

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Horrible Day

This post is based on a book that I want to write someday. It is about how today has been the worst day of my life.

It started this morning when my little brother absolutely had to come up to my bedroom door and yell, "Bee seepin!" and a bunch of other gibberish I can't understand. I ended up rolling out of bed WAY earlier than I had planned.

We went out for lunch and right when we came home, Cakes wants to read me one of the most boring books in the entire world in one of her "clubs." Trust me, it's hard to say no to the Queen of Puppy Eyes. So I sat squished in the small space of her "club," practically falling asleep from boredom.

Next, Cakes wants me to play in her "Potato Restaurant." We serve our parents and a few dolls before Cakes goes crazy. She's running around in circles as fast as she possibly can, picking everything up and throwing it on the floor. She made herself look like a living tornado, destroying everything in its tracks. She throws a fake PBJ sandwich at me, and it has to hit me in the stomach. I don't believe it! She's five! She should know not to do that!

Anyway, this is my life. Even on Saturdays I can't sleep in because of DJ, or I never get free time because Cakie won't leave me alone. There's only so much a girl can take.

I am going to go watch television now. See ya!

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Build-A-Bear Sisters Family (Cakie's Guest Post)

  We love build-a-bears and Tangled. We love our house. We love Strawberry Shortcake and I have a Strawberry Shortcake Berry Cafe! I love to paint and I love our easel and I love Polly Pockets to draw. I love The Secret Life Of Bee, and Pinky and Brown Sugar Puppy. And I love school projects. I love playing butterflies. And I love my sister, too.
  Brown Sugar Puppy is my stuffed doggy. I named her Brown Sugar Puppy because she looks like brown sugar and she's a puppy. You already know who Pinky is because my sister posts about her a lot.
  Brown Sugar Puppy is really interested in clouds. She stares at them all day.